I’ve had the idea to share this for awhile, but it seems an idea for a blog has to sit in my head for at least a month or so before I even attempt to put it on paper. Well at least the interesting ones. With today being Halloween, I thought it was a perfect time to show you my closet.
Everyone has at least a few things that they think they are better at than others. Your talents and strengths that make you uniquely who you are. But what happens when you are placed in a room full of people that are much better at it than you?
I think I’m a relatively smart person, but then I’m placed in a room full of what I perceive as smarter people, my confidence falls. I’ve never been the prettiest girl in a room, but when you are in a room, but when you are in a room full of attractive people I start to feel like the ugly duckling.
I know I was never the fittest person in the gym, but now when I step inside there it feels unfamiliar. Even though at one point you’d likely to find me in that very same place at least 2-3 times a week. I was a regular.
So what happens when our confidence takes a hit from an uncomfortable or unfamiliar situation? The truth is I don’t know… I’m working on it. And I am working on it in more ways than one. I try to hold my head up and keep pushing through.
I have a problem with comparing myself to others and it is something that works to my advantage at times by pushing me forward to strive for goals that are slightly out of my comfort zone. But when I am surrounded by people who I feel are more proficient in me in any given area, all my confidence flies out of the door and I end up wanting to retreat into my little rabbit hole of sorts. So what can I do? Well academically, I’ve enlisted the help of a few peers who I believe are far superior to me in the intellectual department and can serve as a bridge to help me build my confidence and excel.
And then as far as the gym example, I think I have to just forge ahead. The first time I started going to the gym I realized it was with someone else practically every single time. And now it’s much harder because I’m doing it on my own and I have the added stigma of past failure. I can’t help but to feel like I failed at keeping the weight off. And I feel that’s even worse than never losing any weight at all. I’ve said to myself either I can wallow in my own sorrows and PERCEIVED failures or I can get up and triumph.
Taking the gym one day at a time is the best way I can think to handle the situation. And since it’s such an intimidating place nowadays I thought the early morning workouts would be best for me to start. And then I can determine when are some of the least crowded times so I can get into a routine and build my comfort level.
I was actually able to get an early morning workout in last week. Thursday morning at about 5:45am I was making my way to the gym! I am really happy that I made it because that was something I had been attempting to do for several weeks. And yes I’m happy about that, but I have a goal to workout at least once a week. It’s a small goal but I think that’s what I need right now, a small manageable goal that I can commit to. It’s Thursday and although I had a big property to walk at work and cut the grass this week I haven’t done any workouts. Why did I have to say that those activities don’t count???
The lesson of the day is something may make you feel uncomfortable, but if you identify the problem most of the time you can find a solution that can make the situation a little more comfortable or find another alternative all together!
Let me go off and stop speaking about it and be about it! I hope you’re able to find a method to make your seemingly unbearable situations more bearable.
It’s homecoming week in the good ole Baton Rouge for our two universities, LSU and Southern. But guess who’s not going to be participating in either her current Alma Mater, Future Alma Mater or any Halloween celebrations? If you guessed this girl, you’d be correct. Someone thought it was a good idea to give finals this upcoming week! :( Wish me luck! If you don’t hear from me next week, that means I bombed lol!
I hope you guys have a great weekend. Geaux Tigers and Go Jags!
Have you ever heard of Krav Maga? Before last week I haven’t. I had a flier for this event but I thought it was just the name of the place. Saturday was a fundraiser benefiting a breast cancer fund. It was presented to me as a self defense class that benefits a charity, and my thoughts were, great! But then later I watched this video…
And after that, I thought what did I get myself in to??? So from that moment on I was a little apprehensive about my Saturday afternoon charity event, but I thought if I could get a good workout and donate to charity it’d be a win-win situation.
So we get there a little late and have quite a few forms to fill out. I look around and all the women there appear to be of varying ages and fitness levels and that always sets me at ease. So fill out the forms and get started with the warm-up, which had me breathing very heavily. Our instructor for the day was Adam Sibley. Let me share a few details about Adam so you could understand my experience a little better.
Adam is a former Swat Operative and I think is currently the Tactical Commander for a police department. He has participated in Discovery Channel’s show One Man Army. He told us that’s he’s been shot before and stabbed 12 times. He has worked stunts, acting and choreography for films. This is one bad dude! Here’s a link for the Discovery show he was on.
The class was great and my ever so aggressive Krav Maga partner left me with a half dollar sized bruise on my chest. I kept telling her… I AM NOT REALLY ATTACKING YOU! PLEASE BE GENTLE! But some people lol. She kicked my butt! Due to her aggressiveness, I shall not name her, but maybe I should so you all could protect yourselves and stay away! After four days to heal it’s almost gone away.
We learned some really useful techniques and I hope to take another class one day to expand on my knowledge and skills. I really liked his idea to hurt the person who was attacking you while causing the least amount of harm to yourself. It’s really a great class and I think everyone could benefit from taking this type of class. If you are in the Baton Rouge area you should check out Baton Rouge Krav Maga. And if you’re not in the area you can just use Google to find the nearest Krav Maga or self defense classes near you.
If you decide to try out the Baton Rouge studio, you can get your first class free and they even offer kids classes as well. Take a look at their schedule and the different classes they have available.
My goals lately have been to workout at least once a week. Last week was Krav Maga and this week I’m planning to have an early morning gym visit to prove to myself that I am committed to this process. And an early morning workout sounds all fine and dandy but it’s something I’ve been trying to do for the past few weeks. A workout before going to work at 7am just seems a little too early for even me. But if that’s the goal I set for myself then it’s one I plan to achieve. The deadline is Friday, so either today or tomorrow I will be at Anytime Fitness in the 5 o’clock hour! I hope they serve coffee lol.
I hope you all have a great week! Let’s burn some calories!
This blog is about my journey to a healthier me. And very early on I realized this journey is definitely not just physical. It’s about me strengthening myself in every aspect of my life. So if you don’t mind I’d like to share some thoughts with you that somewhat stray off the path I normally follow here.
I have been having different forms of this conversation with several of my friends lately and realized how heavy it was weighing on me. I have to start with a disclaimer, because I don’t want my story of being offended to offend anyone else. I know some great, well actually pretty amazing women. Some of these women are moms, wives and girlfriends. Some of them are stay at home wives and moms. I think most of them are amazing moms, wives and girlfriends. I would never want to offend them or anyone like them. I have a brilliant friend with a PhD that I think is just as brilliant as my friend who got a GED. These are some of the most intelligent women I know, but I know ones that fall all in between. This is not to say my way of life is better than anyone else’s or my choices are superior. But I respect that people make different choices from me and mine are not always right. I think being an intelligent person is coming to terms with the fact that intelligence comes in many different forms other than books and formal education. Anyways that’s enough for the disclaimer.
It all started with this conversation with an apartment manager at a property I was inspecting. Let’s just call her Amy to avoid confusion. And honestly I don’t even remember her name. But when you’re at a complex all day for a day or two the talk often becomes personal. SO I sat at Amy’s desk and she asked me are you married? My reply was no I’m not and then she asked the typical follow up question… well do you have any kids? I said no ma’am I do not. And then her whole expression changed as if she was sad for me and then said are you dating anyone? At that point I was less than pleased with her line of questioning and brashly replied, no I am not married, not dating anyone and have not yet had children. But I keep my time occupied with going to school for my MBA, a fulltime and part time job and maintaining the house that I own. She did say that’s great, but looked less than impressed. She started telling a story about graduating from high school and getting married.
I tell this story because it upsets me that so many people have the belief that a woman is less than a woman if she flies solo. I think I’m doing damn good for myself and better than some married folks actually. (Please excuse that horn toot) But seriously it makes me angry that a person can ask me when am I having a child just because I’ve turned a certain age. Is it okay with the world that I not plan to have a child before I find a man that I want to marry and procreate with? I am not by far a traditionalist but I do believe to have a child two people need to have a solid foundation and an amazing partnership. I have yet to find that, but I don’t think I’m doing too badly in the process.
But what if I was a lesbian? And I didn’t have the right to marry, are they less of a woman than their heterosexual peers? I think people should not be so narrow-minded. Every woman’s dream isn’t to find a man, marry and have babies. Some women have passions that they pursue that are theirs and theirs alone. I am not against marriage or having children, if either of them happens then that’s great, but I can’t allow myself to fall into society’s portrayal of what a woman is. There was a time when I was so distraught because I was single and you always have people around to remind you that your eggs aren’t getting any younger. But you know what? So what if they get older? So what if I get older? I’m going to strive to be the best me I can be and then if it’s accented with a partner or offspring then I’ll be overjoyed. But the absence of those things does not make me less than.
I’m sorry for getting all caught up in my feelings today, but that’s something I had to share. All you moms and wives out there, keep doing a great job. And to all those singletons out there, don’t let society push you into something just for the titles. Whatever your dream, whatever your wish I hope you’re make strides towards it every day. Whatever you do make sure you do it well. Happy Monday y’all!
Hey guys and gals,
I just wanted to check in and say that I haven’t forgotten about you all. I want to make a post at least weekly and I didn’t get to it last week, and maybe the week before that???
School is taking up so much more time than I ever expected, so I’m sorry this has been temporarily pushed to the background. But it is important to me to keep myself accountable and that is why I’m just checking in and saying hello.
Between getting ready for my midterms today and tomorrow, a vacation last week, and my dear friend coming in town later this week my mind has been all over the place. But after this week things should calm down for a while.
I am so excited to have my friend staying with me for a week. Not only because she’s an amazing friend and I LOVE playing hostess, but she has a very strict diet she follows and that is going to be great for me because I have been struggling with getting back into the swing of things. She doesn’t eat carbs or processed sugars. We both love to cook, so I’ll be sure to take pictures and detailed notes on what we make and share them with you all. She already said she has to make me a sugarless cheesecake, which I have to say doesn’t sound appetizing to me. But I said I’d try it and I’ll definitely let you know how it goes. I also have a pretty fun activity planned that I can’t wait to share with you guys.
So just be patient with me and I’ll have some good content to share with you all very soon!
Study break over… It’s back to the books for me. Please say a prayer for me as I take my first midterms as a graduate student. Have a great week! Talk to you soon.
Last week I showed a throwback picture of how 219 looked on me and said I missed that but I realized most of you don’t know what 270 looks like on me. So here I am all 270ish pounds of glory.
I’ve noticed that it was very difficult to find pictures of me at this size. I have plenty of pictures when I was smaller, but it turns out I shy away from cameras nowadays. It is hard for me to see myself in this unfamiliar body. But I managed to dig up a few pictures to share today.
Here’s the most recent pic I can find of myself. It was taken last month at the Red dress Run in New Orleans.
I found this Saint Patty’s Day picture on Instagram and I wanted to share you guys my cute little costar. I wanted to take him home, but with a $1500 price tag I had to give him back to his owners. I intentionally cropped my bulging tummy out of this pic before I posted it to Instagram and I can’t find the original to share with you… Sorry. Well not so much!
Since I can not seem to find a body shot of me, here’s a quick mirror pic I snapped. Please excuse the poor quality, bad lighting and messy hair. I literally woke up and took a picture. One day I will get better at the quality of photos I share.
This person doesn’t look at all like the person in the throwback pictures. But you know what, she will. I’m working on it. This Monday’s weigh in was 270.6. That’s 3.6 pounds closer to a healthier me. It’s funny how the small bit of effort I’m making is working out so well. My next post I can get into some of the things I’ve been doing and not doing. This is progress, but there’s still plenty of room for improvement.
I would love to stay and chat longer, but every room in my house is a disaster zone. How does a person’s unused guest room look like a hurricane came through it??? NEGLECT. So today is all about the house and of course studying. I bet I can burn plenty of calories straightening up this mess. And the grass is just calling my name. I’ve realized that it doesn’t cut itself and cutting every other week just isn’t acceptable when most of my neighbors have a weekly lawn service. I’ve come to realize my definition of success will be obtained when I can afford to have a weekly lawn service, bimonthly housekeeper and a trainer. That’s when I know I’ve made it, but until then I’m making it. I’m the housekeeper, lawn guy, trainer, employee and student.
Many of you have to wear many hats as well, so let’s take it one task at a time and one day at a time. Have a good weekend everyone.
I was scrolling through Facebook the other night and ran across these two photos. So since it’s throwback Thursday, I thought I’d share.
Man, I don’t even recognize this girl. But it’s me. I buried her under the 60 pounds I gained since then. It’s really astonishing how different I looked just over two years ago. I only wish I saw this image in the mirror today. But I’m just going to look harder because I believe she’s there and she’s begging me to let her out. She says she can’t hide in there anymore. So I have to set her free.
From now on these will be my motivation pictures. They will be on my refrigerator and on my phone so I can have access to them at all times. When the urge comes for an extra serving, a calorie rich desert, or when I just won’t get off my butt and work out I can look at this and see where I want to be. No… where I need to be.
THIS IS MY GOAL. I want to get here and this time not stop there but improve on that. That is what 219 looks like, but this time I’m going south of 200. How far??? We’ll see when we get there.
I’m on my way… Care to join?