A Dream Deferred

This is a bit hard for me to write, I’m admitting to failure. I started this blog on August 16th and made my official declaration on August 22nd. I said that by January 17, 2012 I will be 75 pounds lighter than my heaviest weight of 262 pounds. And today as I write this I’m only around 35 pounds under that weight.

I know weight loss in itself is a victory, but I can’t help but be upset at myself. The whole idea of this blog was that 2011 would be my last fat year. And now I have to face that it won’t be. When the clock strikes midnight 2012 I will not be 75 pounds lighter and I’ll have to start another year being overweight.

Now that the sad part is done with I can move on to the victories of 2011, and look forward to 2012. I’m proud that this year I was more independent. Last year I would have needed someone to go to the gym with me, but this year I was perfectly okay with jumping up and saying I’m going to work out. I’m proud of that. Because in the end my health is about me, I gained weight all by myself and I shouldn’t be afraid to lose it solo either.

2011 wasn’t my last fat year, but it definitely was my fittest year and that’s an accomplishment in itself. When I first stepped on a treadmill I could barely get up to 3.5 mph, but now I am working on doubling that. I could barely be on an elliptical machine for 10 minutes, and totally forget about the cross trainer machine. This year I’ve worked up to an hour on the elliptical and do up to 30 on the cross trainer. I have to claim these small victories.

I have a lot of people to thank for my progress. But today I want to say thank you to my trainer from 2010 that jump started my fitness routine and had me doing things I never thought I could. When she pushed me it made me realize I can do this. And there’s a really fit person inside me who’s waiting to come out. She’s not training anymore but I can’t imagine how fit I’d be if she was still training me. She not only dealt with the physical part, but she stopped to have a chat with me when I felt I couldn’t do it anymore. That was 2010 and I still remember some things she taught me. I can hear her every time I do a plank (not very often!) saying oh no you can hold it longer, butt down, and back straight! I will always think of her when I’m “planking”.

So now I can proclaim that 2012 will be my last fat year. I want to try new things that I haven’t tried yet. I want to get to a level of fitness that I was unreachable. I want to do activities that I never thought I’d be able to do. I’ve found new and exciting activities and I hope that you’ll stay tuned in 2012 to see all the adventures I get into.

So my dream to getting thinner didn’t come when I expected it to, but I’m slowly getting there and I think I’m all the better for taking my time. This year I’ve learned countless lessons, saw what I was capable of, and pushed farther. I’m planning when I’ll be ready for my first half marathon.  And that’s a WAY far away plan. But last year I never would have even dreamed of wanting to do 13.1 miles, that was only for crazy people.  I have grown and opened my mind. So for that I am thankful.

I hope that 2011 was amazing for you, and all of your dreams come true for 2012. I have grown very fond of my blog community and I sincerely care about you all and wish nothing but the best for you. Each of you have touched me more than you would know, even if you never came out and said anything. I see the numbers and I’m so thankful for each and every one. In 2012 I promise to do my best to make this blog better and I hope you stay tuned for the ride! I love you all.

So I leave you all with A dream deferred by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

It’s our decision what happens to the dreams that we defer. And I chose not to let mine dry up. Happy New Year!




7 responses »

  1. Fabulous! Acknowledging your defeats while claiming your victories – the paradox of life. 🙂 Good job!!

  2. YOu did GREAT this year! Keep it up!

  3. You did great, with the amount of weight your trying to lose it takes time, but great job so far and you’ve beat the odds your able to motivate yourself and your focused on a healthly life style!!!

  4. Keep up the fight, and continue to claim those victories!
    Best of luck to you,


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