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I had a first last month. I bought my first (and second) pair of size 20 pants. Aye yi yi. Jumping from 16 to 18 was traumatizing, but when I had only a few pair of pants that fit I knew it was time to buy a pair or two of pants that I could fasten properly. I also decided a size jump wasn’t worthy of a pricey or luxurious pair of pants so I went to Walmart and purchased a couple pair of trousers I could comfortably wear to work.


This could possibly be classified as oversharing but lately I could be caught wearing pants that won’t zip or button and are only held together by a belt that is hidden under an oversized blouse. I share this detail because I hope I am not the only person guilty of this. Having to spend the whole day double checking to make sure your little wardrobe secret stays hidden. At a time when even the best and most tailored outfits make you feel uncomfortable. Because the honest truth is you are not comfortable in your skin. Trying on clothes, looking in a mirror and NUDITY are all tasks that you avoid as much as possible. But unfortunately there’s that mirror in front of the shower that you inadvertently get a peek at almost every night. And that one short glance before you can divert your eyes away is enough to bring tears to your eyes and shame to your conscious.

The solution to this constant sea of wardrobe malfunctions is quite easy to identify, but at this time feels impossible to implement. Why is this task that I once lived for and wanted more than anything feeling like an impossible feat? The will to lose weight is not in a single inch of my body. Even with the constant embarassment of wearing ill fitting clothes and self judgement the will is just not there.

How can I motivate myself? How do you make yourself work for something that feels outside of your grasp?  Will posting an embarassing secrets light a fire to me? Or maybe stepping on the scale to face the numbers?

How do you make yourself do something when you lack motivation?


5 responses »

  1. I know exactly how you feel. My favorite pants was a pair of cute Jeans and I wore them until the zipper broke lol. That didn’t stop me from wearing them thankfully I was still able to button them up at the time and I wore a large size T-shirt to cover up the fact that my zipper was broken. Since losing 75 pounds, I decided to go through my closet and see if I could fit some of the clothing that obviously had gotten too small for me to wear. Oh yeah I almost forgot about another pair of my jeans whereas the zipper and the button broke and I took a needle and thread through the little hole where the button was and to my surprise my pants held up pretty good until I busted out the left pant leg lol. Anyway, I tried on my favorite pair the other day while again going through the closet. However, I was able to get them on and button them up but it was a tight squeeze. Maybe if I lose five pounds I may be able to fit in the again like I used too. So yeah, you are definitely not alone.

    • First of all, congrats on the weight loss! I’m super excited for you.

      And it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who could be caught wearing pants that don’t fit lol. But after your weight loss you deserve a shopping spree!

  2. I think I am definitely hormonally challenged right now. Because I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes saying, “ME TOO!”.. Done this. I confess to even taking scissors to the waistband of some particularly cinching pants while at work (I threw those out yesterday. They were ugly anyway).

    Been sporting my Wal-Mart trousers for weeks. And as I finally put away my laundry last night I folded up all of my “skinnier” pants and put them away in the bottom of my closet so they would no longer torment me.

    Alas, I am in need of motivation too! I mourn the fact that I have at least a half a closet full of clothes I am uncomfortable wearing without losing several inches.

    I join you in solidarity and public humiliation! You are NOT the only one.


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