Less than a woman

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This blog is about my journey to a healthier me. And very early on I realized this journey is definitely not just physical. It’s about me strengthening myself in every aspect of my life. So if you don’t mind I’d like to share some thoughts with you that somewhat stray off the path I normally follow here.

I have been having different forms of this conversation with several of my friends lately and realized how heavy it was weighing on me. I have to start with a disclaimer, because I don’t want my story of being offended to offend anyone else. I know some great, well actually pretty amazing women. Some of these women are moms, wives and girlfriends. Some of them are stay at home wives and moms. I think most of them are amazing moms, wives and girlfriends. I would never want to offend them or anyone like them. I have a brilliant friend with a PhD that I think is just as brilliant as my friend who got a GED. These are some of the most intelligent women I know, but I know ones that fall all in between. This is not to say my way of life is better than anyone else’s or my choices are superior. But I respect that people make different choices from me and mine are not always right. I think being an intelligent person is coming to terms with the fact that intelligence comes in many different forms other than books and formal education. Anyways that’s enough for the disclaimer.

It all started with this conversation with an apartment manager at a property I was inspecting. Let’s just call her Amy to avoid confusion. And honestly I don’t even remember her name. But when you’re at a complex all day for a day or two the talk often becomes personal. SO I sat at Amy’s desk and she asked me are you married? My reply was no I’m not and then she asked the typical follow up question… well do you have any kids? I said no ma’am I do not. And then her whole expression changed as if she was sad for me and then said are you dating anyone? At that point I was less than pleased with her line of questioning and brashly replied, no I am not married, not dating anyone and have not yet had children. But I keep my time occupied with going to school for my MBA, a fulltime and part time job and maintaining the house that I own. She did say that’s great, but looked less than impressed. She started telling a story about graduating from high school and getting married.

I tell this story because it upsets me that so many people have the belief that a woman is less than a woman if she flies solo. I think I’m doing damn good for myself and better than some married folks actually. (Please excuse that horn toot) But seriously it makes me angry that a person can ask me when am I having a child just because I’ve turned a certain age. Is it okay with the world that I not plan to have a child before I find a man that I want to marry and procreate with? I am not by far a traditionalist but I do believe to have a child two people need to have a solid foundation and an amazing partnership. I have yet to find that, but I don’t think I’m doing too badly in the process.

But what if I was a lesbian? And I didn’t have the right to marry, are they less of a woman than their heterosexual peers? I think people should not be so narrow-minded. Every woman’s dream isn’t to find a man, marry and have babies. Some women have passions that they pursue that are theirs and theirs alone. I am not against marriage or having children, if either of them happens then that’s great, but I can’t allow myself to fall into society’s portrayal of what a woman is. There was a time when I was so distraught because I was single and you always have people around to remind you that your eggs aren’t getting any younger. But you know what? So what if they get older? So what if I get older? I’m going to strive to be the best me I can be and then if it’s accented with a partner or offspring then I’ll be overjoyed. But the absence of those things does not make me less than.

I’m sorry for getting all caught up in my feelings today, but that’s something I had to share. All you moms and wives out there, keep doing a great job. And to all those singletons out there, don’t let society push you into something just for the titles. Whatever your dream, whatever your wish I hope you’re make strides towards it every day. Whatever you do make sure you do it well. Happy Monday y’all!


2 responses »

  1. lol @accented!!!

  2. I completely agree. My sister and I have had some recent conversations about this very thing.

    Also: Don’t apologize for your “feelings”. This is hardly “getting caught up in them”. This is real. And it’s worth talking about.


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