Failure

I miss blogging. And what I miss even more than that is losing weight. And then I probably miss free time, home cooked meals and lazy Saturdays as well.

I could tell you how I’m going to get back on track and am starting to stick to a schedule, but I’m probably not. I just want to be honest. I am struggling to prioritize my life and some things seem a lot more pressing at the moment.

I have a reminder of just how overweight I am at least once a day. From the struggle of putting lotion on your feet to not being able to button that top or slacks that you loved so much to to getting winded walking short distances. It’s all a struggle that no one should face daily.

I miss the fitter version of me and I miss blogging as an outlet. But with grad school, starting 2 new business and a new job I just don’t know where my health fits into all that.

And then there’s friends. Oh my dear friends. If you don’t fall into the classmate, client, business partner or coworker categories then I probably don’t see or talk to you often. I miss you guys too… I miss leisurely lunch with friends where we don’t have laptops, iPads or notes to look over.

It sounds like I am complaining and I guess to a degree I am, but a good friend told me everyone has sacrifices they have to make for what they want. But what do you do when you want it all?

I want to be successful in my academic pursuits, professional endeavors, entrepreneurial aspirations, relationships, health, financial goals and religious convictions.

My definition of success is looking back and having no regrets. That’s my dream and I’m working towards it. This post actually came from me daydreaming. I was thinking of all the things I was missing out on and all the things I felt I failed at recently and began to write it out on my iPhone.   That was two weeks ago and I have been trying to achieve a balance ever since then.

I’m becoming an expert on failure, but I do know if you never fail then you’ve never truly tried anything. So does that mean I should be grateful for my failures?!?! I think so…. here are a few things that have not gone quite right for me… Spending two whole weeks of preparation to not make a single dollar at an event. Stepping on the scale to see a number that is within 5 pounds of the number I vowed never to see again. Researching, creating and presenting an itinerary to a client that they just rejected and sent me back to square 1. After several interviews realizing you may have to start with an entry-level job after earning your MBA because you don’t have experience in the field you’re trying to pursue. Then there’s the 75 you made on a test that you spent night and day studying for a solid two weeks.

That’s a brief synopsis of my recent failures, but I am constantly trying to fight through them all. Clearly I’m not a stranger to failure, but I’m learning to never be a quitter. So you may not hear from me often, but please know I haven’t quit.I’m just trying hard to figure out this thing called life and all its ups and downs.

Until soon,

Carnisha