Category Archives: Difficulties

Failure

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I miss blogging. And what I miss even more than that is losing weight. And then I probably miss free time, home cooked meals and lazy Saturdays as well.

I could tell you how I’m going to get back on track and am starting to stick to a schedule, but I’m probably not. I just want to be honest. I am struggling to prioritize my life and some things seem a lot more pressing at the moment.

I have a reminder of just how overweight I am at least once a day. From the struggle of putting lotion on your feet to not being able to button that top or slacks that you loved so much to to getting winded walking short distances. It’s all a struggle that no one should face daily.

I miss the fitter version of me and I miss blogging as an outlet. But with grad school, starting 2 new business and a new job I just don’t know where my health fits into all that.

And then there’s friends. Oh my dear friends. If you don’t fall into the classmate, client, business partner or coworker categories then I probably don’t see or talk to you often. I miss you guys too… I miss leisurely lunch with friends where we don’t have laptops, iPads or notes to look over.

It sounds like I am complaining and I guess to a degree I am, but a good friend told me everyone has sacrifices they have to make for what they want. But what do you do when you want it all?

I want to be successful in my academic pursuits, professional endeavors, entrepreneurial aspirations, relationships, health, financial goals and religious convictions.

My definition of success is looking back and having no regrets. That’s my dream and I’m working towards it. This post actually came from me daydreaming. I was thinking of all the things I was missing out on and all the things I felt I failed at recently and began to write it out on my iPhone.   That was two weeks ago and I have been trying to achieve a balance ever since then.

I’m becoming an expert on failure, but I do know if you never fail then you’ve never truly tried anything. So does that mean I should be grateful for my failures?!?! I think so…. here are a few things that have not gone quite right for me… Spending two whole weeks of preparation to not make a single dollar at an event. Stepping on the scale to see a number that is within 5 pounds of the number I vowed never to see again. Researching, creating and presenting an itinerary to a client that they just rejected and sent me back to square 1. After several interviews realizing you may have to start with an entry-level job after earning your MBA because you don’t have experience in the field you’re trying to pursue. Then there’s the 75 you made on a test that you spent night and day studying for a solid two weeks.

That’s a brief synopsis of my recent failures, but I am constantly trying to fight through them all. Clearly I’m not a stranger to failure, but I’m learning to never be a quitter. So you may not hear from me often, but please know I haven’t quit.I’m just trying hard to figure out this thing called life and all its ups and downs.

Until soon,

Carnisha

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Let’s not make this a trend

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I had a so-so week last week. My dieting wasn’t horrible, but definitely wasn’t post worthy. And then I may have exercised 3 or 4 times, which isn’t horrible either, but not exactly measuring up to my goal for last week.

Then came the weekend… I spent Friday night in New Orleans with a friend who’s friend was coming in town and wanted to party it up in Nola (abbreviation locals use for New Orleans, Louisiana). I had my mind set that I’d have two or three drinks at the most and then eat reasonably well. I started the night by having shrimp and grits for dinner and then bought mini bottles of wine for everyone. Man that was an unnecessary pre-gamer! I’ll save the details of the night and my good girl reputation by saying that I had a good night and even managed to stay well behaved!

And then Saturday night, I went out with my family to a Hibachi dinner for my nephew’s birthday. There I managed to eat lots of veggies and about half of my rice, but then I had the bright idea of getting my nephew some ice cream and having everyone over to my place. Well ice cream turned into ice cream, cake, party masks, candles, and alcohol. Deep sigh. My family was not helping with my weight loss efforts! I did manage to avoid alcohol the whole night, but man I surely didn’t avoid the ice cream and cake. I may have went a bit overboard.

With all my confessions out in the open it should come as no surprise that I weighed in at 260 this morning. Deep sigh again! That was my confession, and now that this has been aired it’s solution time. Since my last Dietbet went so well, I’ve decided to start another one. I am a bit apprehensive because this one has already started, so I won’t have as much time as the other participants and this is a little sooner than I wanted to start another one. But I said I would not go back to the 260s, and now that I have there’s no time for playing around, something must be done immediately!

I’m going to sign up for the bet and go ahead and weigh in this week. The last one went so well, I can only hope the next does also.

Started from the bottom, now I’m still here. Happy Tuesday y’all! Practice consistency! Do as I say, not as I do!

 

Traveling and weight loss

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This past week I was traveling and didn’t exactly get 8 workouts I was aiming for, so I decided to go back to the drawing board. Instead of requiring a certain amount of workouts per week, I will set a goal of how many hours I’d like to exercise per week. This week I am trying to meet a weight goal that I set so I want to exercise at least 10% of my waking hours. So I calculated I need to exercise 11.2 hours this week (assuming 8 hours of sleep per day). To keep it simple I’ll aim for 11.5 hours this week.

While traveling, I found the most important thing was preparation. My flight departed at 10 am and wouldn’t arrive in Nebraska until 4pm. I could either trust myself to eat well in the airport or I can pack a lunch. And guess what I did? I packed fruit, wraps and 100 calorie pack snacks so that I could avoid temptation. And thankfully it worked.   But the problem was I did not come up with a plan for the rest of the week. So my day of preparation was no match from my weekend of careless eating and heavy drinking.

160 calories fruit and cheese pack

180 calories fruit and cheese pack

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Walmart’s turkey pinwheels. 440 calories

So I weighed in at 263.4 on March 30th, but weighed in at a whopping 267 pounds on March 30th (after my trip). I’m not blaming the total 3.4 pounds on margaritas and red wine, but it surely didn’t help. I’m glad to report I weighed in at 263.6 this morning. For my next trip, I have to plan MUCH better. Not only for the airport, but for my whole stay. When I come up with my brilliant plan, I’ll make sure to let you in on my secret. I do not trust myself to make good decisions when temptation is in my face.

That’s the goal and I’m slowly working on it, but honestly, I’m not there yet so preparation is my weapon. Here’s some pictures from the most amazing trip I ever had. Not only did I get to meet Warren Buffet, tour three of his companies, have lunch and chat with him, BUT I got to meet Tom Arnold as well. It’s refreshing to be surrounded by so many professionals with different backgrounds and experiences to share. I am definitely getting a lot of this program.

Here’s some pictures from the most amazing trip I’ve ever had (even if it lead to weight gain)

Not so Fat Tuesday

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No Mardi Gras for me.

Photo Credit: New Orleans CVB via soulofamerica.com

Life has a funny way of changing your plans. I had my weekend all planned out with everything I wanted to do, the places I wanted to visit and the workouts I planned to get in. But my body said you will do none of this!
I was sick for about a good week. I felt like a prisoner inside of my home. Earlier last week I did want a “sick day” or two, but boy you should be careful what you ask for. Last Tuesday is when I started feeling like something was wrong and it just progressed Wednesday. And by Thursday I wasn’t able to move around much at all. I spent Thursday until Monday literally on my couch with a few friends and family bringing me food and to the doctor for checkups.
You may wonder what was the culprit? Staph infection! Staph infection can be anywhere from a mild nuisance to life threatening. In my case, it wasn’t life threatening at all but did require medical treatment due to the area and size of the infection. This is something I’ve dealt with before, but just not at this magnitude. Walking, getting up and not to mention getting in and out of a car were all extremely painful Thursday- Sunday. Thankfully Monday- Tuesday I was in recovery mode and fully off my hydrocodone by Tuesday.
I say all this because my excessive weight puts me at a higher risk factor for these type of cysts. It is my belief that is why this one was way worse than any others I’d ever had. I weigh more than I ever have.
Crazy enough there was a silver lining to my illness… I weighed 273.8 on Wednesday 2/26/14 and then I randomly hopped on the scale when I started feeling better (Wed 3/5/14) and weighed 269.2. That’s just crazy to drop that much weight without any effort. That’s 4.6 pounds in a week with no exercise and eating whatever friends and family brought me.
My coworkers said I looked so happy to be at work on Wednesday, I said if you’d been stuck on your couch for 6 days you’d be happy to be out too, regardless of the venue. I’m so glad to be back up and at it and now I can make a conscious effort to add to that weight loss.

Superwoman

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I am not Superwoman, but isn’t that what I’m supposed to be?

Maybe it’s all in my head that I have to be stronger, smarter and tougher than the woman next to me. That’s what I try to live up to everyday. I can do by myself what any man, woman or couple can do… Perhaps that’s why I always feel like I’m failing.

It depends on why you ask, some people may not think I’m failing at all, but that’s far from the point. I hold myself to unrealistic expectations. I want to do well in school, work, life, spirituality, love, fitness, and finances. But last year I realized I can’t do it all. While trying to stick my hands in too many pots, it’s no wonder I get burned in a few of them. It feels as if I’m drowning and just can’t quite keep it all together.

So what’s the solution? STOP. Those simple four letters that are so easy to type but so difficult to execute. This year I want to take great risks and live life freely. I don’t want to be bound by my expectations of myself or expectations of anyone around me. I want to do things that move me, just for that simple reason and nothing more. I want to live life in color instead of the safe grayscale existence I’ve forced upon myself. I want to be beautiful, feel beautiful and live beautifully.

I’ve always loved the song Superwoman by Alicia Keys, but never quite examined the lyrics. Here’s the first verse…

Everywhere I’m turning

Nothing seems complete

I stand up and I’m searching

For the better part of me

I hang my head from sorrow

state of humanity

I wear it on my shoulders

Gotta find the strength in me

The song is actually about NOT being a superwoman by the traditional definition, but being exactly who you are and doing it gracefully. So I’m going to work on being more patient and kind with myself and accepting all my flaws as I would accept them in others. That is my task for this new year.

I teased one of my dear friends about her more than 25 revisions of a blog post that she recently shared with the world, but I can not tease her at all. I understand the difficulty in sharing the personal stuff that you don’t even share with your closest friends, but yet here it is up on the internet to be seen by any random passerby. I can not tease her at all because I originally wrote this on December 17th and have made various changes and shyed away from sharing this ever since then. But thank you for unknowingly helping me find the courage to put my words on this screen. Thank you for being brave ad showing me how perfectly imperfect a woman can be. You are a Superwoman.

For everyone that comes across this page, I hope that you become the best version of yourself, not just this year but for countless years to come. Happy New Year.

No Mercy

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Things just got real for me. I stepped on the scale this morning and put a number to my fears. The scale read 260.8. That’s quite terrifying and frankly hard to swallow, yet alone type.

It’s very disheartening to know with that number all the work I have done over the start of my journey has literally been done for nothing. My highest known weight was 262, which is only one tasty treat away. All the fighting and tears shed loosing over 40 pounds is all for nothing now. It’s a tough pill to swallow. None of that matters anymore. Now I am back to almost exactly where I started.

I knew I was gaining weight. I could lie to myself all I wanted but a closet full of clothing doesn’t all shrink at one time… I knew it was getting bad. I tried to get happy about every new clothing purchase I made, but the truth is a pretty new dress is no consolation for no longer being able to fit into the pretty dresses hanging in your closet. Shopping may be fun for most women, but for me clothing stores were the one place I couldn’t hide what I was doing to my body.

But now its become crucial. this number means so much more than anyone could ever know. 260? I was in the 260s when I realized my weight was really out of control and I had to get serious about it and then to let myself hit that mark again? What can I say? What is there to say? It’s time to stop saying and start doing.

I found a 7 day workout plan on Pinterest a week or so ago that I pinned and have been just looking at for a while. I thought it looks good, but now it’s time to put it to action. I started yesterday. The first exercise was 100 jumping jacks. You know I got winded by 14? Wow. That was shocking. I struggled through the whole thing but I finished. I completed everything on the list for Monday. I did omit the lunge split jumps because WTH is that anyways??? Lol. I think that is the only exercise I’m leery of. Well that and Saturday’s bird dogs. What?!?! That doesn’t sound enjoyable.

daily workout plan

My goal to turn this whole thing around is to start with this plan for this week. And get at least a few miles in as well. I don;t want to put a number or timeline on things now but I want to just say that the upward climb of my weight MUST STOP NOW. I’m putting myself at risk of so many diseases and so many unnecessary challenges. And all why? Because I’m too busy lazy to work out or I want to eat anything and everything that is placed in front of me?

I have to make the choice that I love myself more than that. I have to love myself enough to make time and properly care for my body. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I have to take advantage of this month or two when I’m not traveling every week and take care of my most prized possession.

  • This week I WILL complete this 7 day regiment.
  • I WILL plan my meals weekly.
  • I WILL make juice at least twice a week.

This is my commitment to myself. Wish me luck!

Starting fresh

I keep saying to myself oh you did it before, you can do it again. I know weight loss doesn’t have a one size fits all method but this year I’ve learned that I can’t rely what I did last year to lose weight this year. I did it once but those same techniques didn’t fit my lifestyle today. I have to adapt to my new surroundings and all the changes that have happened since then.

First of all I need to restart that weight tracker over there —> —> —> —> —> —>

And then I GUESS I have to step on the scale… Oh please pray I have the courage to share that number. Or better yet let’s all pray that I have the determination to change that number. And realize that’s just a starting point and the only tragedy will be if I remain there.

So how do I change it?

Let’s see… Meal planning, healthy snacks, exercise plan. It all sounds good. And I want to keep my scale in the kitchen instead of in the bathroom. The bathroom already has a big mirror to scare me into submission. But the kitchen has no sort of torture device so I think the scale would be perfect. And I have a nice spot in mind right in front of the refrigerator… Yes I think that’ll work.

So let me get to it. Weighing myself and updating my little section of the blogosphere. This is kind of exciting. I feel like it’s my very first time! Stay tuned… no excuses this time. (If you see me make an excuse please call me out on it)

*I forgot to add the holiday excuse, which I think is VERY valid. I’ll be looking for a solution to that problem. Any suggestions?